


Kisses Across Universes

by Alexis_Tenshi



Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Dubious Morality, Emotions, Fake Science, Fix-It, Flirting, Fluff, GoldenEye Fix-It, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26457649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexis_Tenshi/pseuds/Alexis_Tenshi
Summary: Five universes in which James didn’t let Alec fall, plus one universe he did. But somehow, in the end, they’re always together. And kissing on the Goldeneye antenna platform.
Relationships: James Bond/Alec Trevelyan
Comments: 18
Kudos: 34





	1. Not Falling; Resigning

**Author's Note:**

> I commissioned Alien for some James/Alec art, themed how Goldeneye should have ended. After happily staring at it for awhile, I decided I wanted to write fic to accompany it. I’ll post the art here in its own chapter at the end (chapter 7). 
> 
> Each chapter is a different AU. Each of these AUs follow the basic movie canon of Goldeneye, with a twist or two. They’re each their own AU and aren’t interconnected besides the theme of James/Alec kissing on the Goldeneye antenna platform.
> 
> This is primarily Brosnan Bond, but some inspiration was taken from the Craig movies, especially in regards to M's characterization. And Whishaw Q makes two small cameos.

In another universe…

“ _Drop_ him!!” the shrill voice ordered through James’ ear wig.

James winced. He _hated_ the new M. He’d thought, briefly, after talking in her office before the mission, that they might be able to get along. But apparently his first instincts about her were correct. She was a micro-managing accountant. Intelligent and ballsy, sure. But not suited to running field agents. She had no concept of what it was like out in the field and what it took to accomplish a mission.

When James had arrived in Cuba, Wade had informed him that he’d been ordered to supply James with fresh Q-Branch tech. The tech included the ear wig for M to yell at him through, and a vest with a small camera embedded in the fabric so she could monitor the rest of the mission.

She’d also sent orders via Wade’s CIA bosses that Natalya was to be detained for questioning. Wade was apologetic, but he was determined to follow those orders. Nothing James said changed his mind. Short of fighting Wade and the entire platoon of Marines he’d brought, James had no choice but to say goodbye to Natalya.

He was given a computer disc that supposedly could hack the Janus computers just as well as the woman could have. It was utter bullshit. Tech was all well and good, but nothing could replace human instincts, ingenuity, and will to fight and survive.

Natalya would have been an asset on the mission, and James wasn’t just saying that because she was pretty to look at and pleasing to sleep with. But James’ opinion didn’t matter to M.

M actually had the audacity to scold James about his _‘preoccupation’_ with a woman when he should have been focused solely on his mission. She blatantly denied James’ insistence of how integral Natalya was for the mission.

So James had watched Natalya get dragged off by Marines and internally fumed. Not only were his opinions being ignored, further endangering himself and everyone that the Janus Organization threatened, but one of the few incentives that kept James going on missions was being stripped from him.

James wouldn’t admit it to anyone. But some days, having someone by his side to remind him why he kept fighting despite impossible odds was the difference between finishing the mission and giving up and lying down to die.

Didn’t he give enough to MI6 by risking his life daily and saving the world every few months?! Would the new M really deny him even the few pleasures he normally could enjoy during missions? Was it so bad to want a beautiful person by his side while he stared death in the face for Queen and country? Was it so wrong to get some comfort in their presence and in their willing body?

To the new M, yes, it apparently was. She wanted a soulless killing machine, clearly. If her Double-O didn’t live up to that, then she’d make sure to correct the problem. She seemed determined to stamp out any trace of sentimentality left in James.

Case in point, she’d also sent him a laptop and instructed him to watch a video on it. He’d seen plenty of horrors in his time as a Double-O, but what he watched chilled him. He admitted to himself it was because he took what he saw very, very personally.

The video was titled: _Trevelyan, Alec. Age: 8_.

James watched as a little boy, face covered in blood splatter, was interrogated by police about his dead parents. The child was clearly in shock, staring straight forward and barely blinking. He didn’t speak and gave no sign he heard or understood the men questioning him.

The police became more and more frustrated at the boy’s lack of response as time went on. But unlike anyone with a heart, they didn’t let up their line of questioning. They escalated to outright shouting in the boy’s face.

_“You saw it, didn’t you?! You were there, weren’t you?! You watched your dad shoot your mom, didn’t you?! You just stood there and watched as he shot her, killed her, didn’t you?! Just watched as your mother died, then your father shot himself?! Just stood there and watched while your parents died, did you?!_

_“Why didn’t he shoot you, too? Did he know you’d be too stupid to tell anyone what happened? Too young and dumb to even share the story?! Did he think you not even worth killing?! I don’t blame him. You’re clearly pathetic.”_

The boy still didn’t speak, didn’t turn toward the man yelling in his ear, kept staring straight ahead, but tears began running down his face. At that, the police shouted even more loudly in his face.

_“So you **do** speak English! Here I thought we might have to get a Russian in here to translate, but you’re not a **real** Russian. Those proud people would never sit there and cower like you are right now. They’d admit to what they saw.”_

Still the boy said nothing. James doubted he was able to, even if he’d wanted to. Shock affected some people like that, especially children. Eventually, after seemingly an endless, excruciating amount of time, the police moved away from the boy. They then talked as if he were no longer there, to someone out of frame of the camera.

_“Nah, he doesn’t remember a thing. Too young. He won’t be suing the government or going to the papers over these deaths. Nothing to worry about. We’ll put him in one of the rougher orphanages and he won’t have time to get his memory back. Nothing to worry about.”_

James was contemplating murder as he watched, not caring how old the sociopathic police in the video might be now.

“So you see, 007, we had every reason to believe that Trevelyan didn’t remember his parents or their death.” M’s voice came into James’ ear, jolting James out of his focus.

James was forced to admit what he’d been trying to subconsciously deny. He’d just watched Alec get thoroughly traumatized during his childhood. First, by watching his parents die in front of him, and then again by the police’s treatment. Alec’s anger and vendetta suddenly made infinitely more sense.

But M wasn’t showing James this to enlist James’ sympathy for his former friend. She was showing James this to prove MI6 did nothing wrong and to motivate James to complete his mission. It was as misguided as it was cruel. Everything inside James protested it. But outside, James showed no reaction.

What could he do? If he refused the mission, he’d be reprimanded, likely lose his Double-O status, and M would just send in another Double-O to finish the mission anyway.

Regardless of Alec’s reasons, what he was doing was still wrong, James told himself. Innocent people would still be hurt. It was James’ job to not let that happen.

So James went through the motions of completing the mission. But his heart wasn’t in it any longer.

Even if James _had_ been properly motivated, the mission would still have been turned into a shit-show by removing Natalya from the equation, James thought. The Q-disc hadn’t worked. Boris had countered the effects within minutes of James getting it into a computer.

James had had some hope for a few minutes when Boris started playing with the exploding pen. But he’d dropped it before clicking the button the right amount of times and it’d rolled somewhere James quickly lost track of, explosion not triggered.

James had still kept trying, with M’s voice barking orders at him through the comm. He fought Alec, driving his former friend outside onto the satellite antenna, even as Boris was still working to activate Goldeneye inside unheeded.

Alec and James were evenly matched, as they’d always been. M kept yelling in James’ ear entirely unhelpful advice. While trying to tune her out, James’ mind drifted to the past, sparring with Alec. He remembered how much they’d both enjoyed it, and how often it’d shifted from them wrestling on the ground to them grinding their cocks together, and then further into full on fucking.

If only this fight could end that way, James lamented. James ached at the thought, in both his cock and his heart. He’d never feel Alec’s heat around his length again. He’d never feel Alec shove his tongue into his mouth again. Never feel Alec shove him around so they could fuck at a more pleasurable angle. Never wake up in Alec’s arms and sneak out to make them both breakfast before his lover woke up. Never have another chance to tell Alec how much he meant to James.

Despite his melancholy and distraction, James somehow came out on top in their fight on the antenna platform. Luck mostly, James thought. It could have just as easily been James hanging there with Alec’s hands on his ankle, contemplating letting him fall. But instead James held Alec’s life in his hands.

“We don’t have time for this!” M hissed in James’ ear. “You need to get back inside and stop the countdown! Drop him right bloody now!”

James hadn’t known what he was going to do until M spoke. But those words were the final straw for James. James would not be ordered around like a wayward child. He would not be told to kill his former partner as if taking his life was a meaningless task in the way of a mission. He would not be yelled at and abused, like Alec had been as a child by those policemen. If M approved of that, it was time for James to find a new boss.

Maybe it wasn’t too late to submit a job application right then, actually. Maybe it wasn’t too late for _a lot_ of things.

James pulled Alec up. James moved his hands along Alec’s leg, yanking up as he went, until he could grab Alec’s belt and heave him fully back onto the antenna platform. 

Alec’s expression was one of shock, but James ignored it. He pulled Alec roughly onto his lap, getting a firm grip on his back and around his waist to keep him in place. Then James kissed Alec.

It was heated, Alec only took a second before he kissed back, but brief. James needed to take care of the outraged shrieking in his ear before it deafened him.

James pulled back from Alec, carefully catching Alec’s eye so the former Double-O could read his expression, then putting a finger to his lips for silence. James then took out his ear wig and tossed it over the side of the platform. He took off his vest, where the camera was embedded, and threw that over to follow it.

Then he went back to kissing Alec. James had missed the taste of him, he realized. He’d missed many aspects of Alec over the years, but he hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed how he tasted. Like strawberries and fire and smoke. Sweet and warm and taking his breath away.

James gripped Alec tightly, and Alec did the same back. Neither showed any signs of wanting to let go.

James could have stayed there and continued kissing Alec for hours. But he hadn’t forgotten Wade and a platoon of Marines were close by. They were likely on their way there by then. It wouldn’t have taken M long to contact the CIA and get the orders approved.

She’d likely already branded James a traitor, which he supposed he now was. He waited for the regret to flood him, but he felt absolutely nothing of the kind. All he felt was Alec, and how desperately he wanted the former Double-O. How much he wanted him, and how much he now wanted to keep them both safe to properly enjoy a pleasurable reunion.

So James pulled back from Alec’s lips reluctantly. Alec raised an eyebrow at him, a question in his green eyes.

“I’ve just rendered my resignation to my former employer,” James admitted casually. He knew his own eyes were twinkling. “You happen to know anyone hiring? Maybe a crime syndicate about to pull off the biggest heist in history and send England into chaos? I have excellent credentials that I’d be happy to demonstrate for you in extensive detail.”

From Alec’s answering smirk, the sexual innuendo was not lost on him. Nor was how beneficial having James on his side would be. He’d considered asking him before, he’d admitted. But he hadn’t thought James would agree. He’d been right. But things had changed. James knew that Alec would see that change in James now, even if he’d have to wait to hear entirely what had happened to inspire the switch.

“Hmmm…I _may_ have somewhere I can squeeze you _in_ …to…” Alec answered. His voice was dripping with sexual tension to match James’ own intent.

James had to kiss Alec again, the danger of incoming Marines be damned. Alec chuckled into James’ mouth this time. Any confusion Alec had felt had morphed into happy confidence, James could tell from that. Alec knew James well; he could tell James wasn’t lying. It would be awhile before Alec fully trusted James, of course. But James was ready to be patient and prove himself. And in the mean time, there was a lot of fun to be had together.

Alec was the one to pull back from their kisses that time. He retrieved his radio from his pocket and called for a helicopter to come fetch them. While they waited, James told Alec about the fight coming for them.

It wouldn’t be an easy getaway, but together and with all the resources Alec had, James was confident they’d make it. Afterward, it would be simpler to disappear in the chaos that Goldeneye created, and they’d have more than enough money to help.

England would recover, in time. M would send Double-Os after them. But between the two of them, they could evade them. Between the two of them, they could make a life together.

As Alec smiled at him and helped him safely into the helicopter when it arrived, James found he was looking forward to this new life more than he’d looked forward to anything in the last nine years.


	2. Not Falling; Recovering

In another universe…

James held onto Alec’s ankle tightly, cursing himself mentally for letting the fight get this far.

He should have been more careful. Bruises and even broken bones were one thing. But if Alec got seriously hurt or ended up dead because of this, James would never forgive himself. James had carried around the guilt of letting Alec get killed for nine long years. He couldn’t let that happen again. He couldn’t let what had proven to be a lie become truth.

James looked down at Alec and locked eyes with him. James saw a flash of fear in Alec’s eyes, quickly hidden, but unmistakable. The sight tore into James’ heart. That Alec thought James capable of letting him fall…that James _was_ capable of that, under different circumstances, twisted James’ gut and lodged painfully in his chest.

“James…I…”

“I know, Alec, I _know_.”

James pled with his eyes for Alec to understand, to see his intent, to be able to read him as accurately as he could nine years ago.

Confusion flicked across Alec’s expression, then hope, then relief, and finally _trust_. James’ heart warmed at the sight.

They had to wait, James knew. Just a few moments more, he hoped. He could hold Alec for that long. He wouldn’t let him fall.

James tried to communicate as much of that as he could with his eyes. If he spoke more to explain or changed his expression too much, he’d give them away. Alec seemed to understand. His eyebrow twitched up in question, ever so slightly. But otherwise he stayed still, seemingly calm and content, dangling by his ankle in James’ hands over a drop that meant death if James let go.

Long painful minutes ticked by. If he didn’t get the ok soon, he’d pull Alec up regardless, James told himself. He’d pull him up before his arms got too tired to do so safely. He wasn’t risking Alec’s life over this. Never again was he choosing a mission over his friend, his lover, his _Alec_.

James’ ear wig gave a spurt of static just when James was about to give up waiting.

“We got ‘em, Jimbo!” Wade’s voice came through the comm clearly. “Nat did her thing with the computers and all’s safe. Ol’ Boris is nice and secure, handcuffed and being escorted out by the Marines as we speak.”

James was already pulling Alec up as Wade was talking. James moved his hands along Alec’s leg, yanking up as he went, until he could grab Alec’s belt and heave him fully back onto the antenna platform. He pulled Alec onto his lap, getting a firm grip on his back and around his waist to keep him in place. James clung tightly to Alec, and Alec clung back.

“Ja…” Alec began saying his name, but James cut him off with a kiss.

Alec kissed him back, but it was obvious he wanted to talk. Eventually, James let him.

“How long have you known?”

“Just a few days. M, the _new_ M, told me,” James explained. “She’s unorthodox, but I like her. The old man, the bastard, never gave a hint that you might be alive; never let me know the entire thing had been the plan from the beginning.

“I really thought you were _dead_ , Alec. For _nine_ years I thought you were dead, and you’ve been _undercover_ this entire time.”

“I’m sorry, James, so sorry.” Alec inhaled deeply before continuing, “I _wanted_ to tell you. I wanted to tell you _so_ much! But they said it’d only be for a month or two that I’d be undercover. They said the master hacker they were tracking was a serious threat, that drawing him out would save millions of lives. They said he controlled cameras and computers everywhere, even in MI6. That if you were told, he’d know. I never even considered it would take this long to draw him out. But once I was in, I couldn’t leave until the job was done or it all would have been for nothing.”

“I know. We got him, Alec. Boris is in custody. I had to keep up the act, let you believe I thought you were a traitor while he was watching. I had to make him think I was considering dropping you until he was safely captured. But we _got_ him. He won’t be able to hurt anyone again, and we’ll make sure he spills all his secrets. Decoding his computer programs will keep Q-Branch busy for years,” James assured Alec.

“It all went according to plan then, finally.” Alec breathed another sigh of relief.

“Not entirely,” James countered.

Alec frowned in clear confusion. He doubtlessly could see the pain and regret in James’ eyes.

James rubbed his fingers, gently, across Alec’s right cheek, over his scars.

“I gave you these,” James admitted in a strangled whisper. “That wasn’t part of the plan. You didn’t expect me to shorten the timer on the explosives. I nearly killed you, and the evidence of that is going to be on your face forever.”

Alec’s eyes softened and he smiled gently at James’ confession. James wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear Alec forgive him. He wasn’t sure if he could accept that yet. But Alec knew him well enough to know that.

“And do you find my face less attractive now?” Alec asked, his tone taunting James. “If I told you my scars run down my side, too, all the way to my thigh, would you not want to lick along my hip like you used to? Do you not want to kiss me anymore, James?”

James answered the only way he could, with a growl and a hot kiss to Alec’s lips. Alec returned the kiss with his own heat. As they continued to kiss, James reflected how so many kisses from other people left him feeling cold inside, even as his body heated up in physical interest. But intimacy of any sort with Alec, even just brief kisses, always made James feel warm deep inside.

James hadn’t felt that warmth in nine years. Now that he had that back, he was never letting Alec go again.

He swore to himself then, on that antenna platform, as he kissed and clung to Alec, that he would never let anything get between the two of them again. Not missions, not MI6, not villainous hackers, nothing.

Not even death. James was never letting Alec go again.


	3. Not Falling; Restraining

In another universe…

James knew he should let Alec fall. He should let go and let Alec fall.

James held Alec’s life in his hands as he gripped the former 006’s ankle. He should let go, he told himself. Alec deserved to die and it was James’ job to see that happened.

Alec was a traitor. He’d tried to destroy England. It was James’ job, his mission, his duty, his _life_ to protect England.

Alec had tried to kill James, mercilessly, repeatedly, and without any apparent regret. He didn’t deserve James’ mercy or regret, either.

But Alec was also James’ lover. Or he _had_ been, nine years ago before he’d faked his death and turned traitor.

It might have meant nothing to Alec. He’d certainly abandoned James as if he wasn’t worth a second thought. But James was being forced to admit it meant something to _him_. There was no other reason for his hesitation to let go and let Alec fall.

James had killed people he’d shagged before. He’d done it dozens of times, actually. He’d regretted having to do it, sometimes. But he’d never hesitated. Not even for a second. Hesitating to kill meant opening himself up to being the one killed instead. None of the people he’d shagged and killed had been worth that.

But Alec was more than just a shag to James. Alec was a friend, a partner, a _lover_. He meant something to James, even then, even after everything he’d done.

But even considering that, if James was a better person, he thought, he’d let Alec fall.

If he pulled Alec up; saved him; captured him, he’d be doing the man no favors. Alec would be alive, but his life would become hell. MI6 would torture him for information, and then throw him in the most secure prison in England. Alec would never breathe free air again, if he was still breathing when he left that antenna.

Alec would be better off dead.

“For England, James?” Alec asked, breaking into James’ thoughts.

James stopped hesitating. He made his choice.

James might be a loyal solider, devoted to England. But James was also a selfish, possessive person. His reputation for doing what he wanted, regardless of orders, was legendary among Double-Os.

“No, for me,” James answered.

James didn’t want Alec dead.

So James pulled Alec up. James moved his hands along Alec’s leg, yanking up as he went, until he could grab Alec’s belt and heave him fully back onto the antenna platform. 

Alec’s expression was one of shock, but James ignored it. He pulled Alec roughly onto his lap, getting a firm grip on his back and around his waist to keep him in place. Then James kissed Alec.

The kiss was rough, possessive, and James made sure to bite Alec’s lips hard enough to make them bleed. After freezing for a moment, Alec gave back as good as he got. James felt him grab the back of James’ vest and hang on tightly.

They both clutched at each other desperately. They were both aware how close they were to a fall to certain death, James knew. They were both aware that they’d been trying to kill each other mere minutes ago. As far as James knew, Alec still very much wanted him dead.

But Alec didn’t struggle. He didn’t try to resume the fight. He didn’t try to flip them and throw James off the edge.

It was the first sign that perhaps Alec wasn’t as completely unaffected by feelings for James, as James had supposed. James wondered if things would have worked out differently if he’d rushed Alec and kissed him as soon as Alec revealed he wasn’t dead, back at Statue Park. Too late for that now, though.

Too late for a lot of things, James thought. But not too late for Alec to _live_. Not too late for James to have Alec back in his life, even if nothing would ever be the same as it had been. Even if Alec would always hate him and want him dead. Alec would be _alive_ , and James found he couldn’t regret that.

“You should have let me fall, James,” Alec stated calmly, breaking their kiss.

“No, Alec. You _wanted_ me to let you fall,” James countered. “But I want something different.”

James had slipped the Q-Branch issue zip ties from his pocket as they kissed. Extra strong and near impossible to get out of, they were much more secure than regular handcuffs. He pulled Alec’s arms from around him and tied his wrists together behind his back. James maintained eye contact with Alec the entire time. Alec didn’t struggle. James wasn’t sure why. Perhaps Alec had accepted he’d lost and was done fighting, whether that meant death or capture.

“You’re a cruel man, James Bond,” Alec whispered in a low tone he had to know James would hear regardless.

“Maybe,” James agreed. “Or maybe I’m in love with you.”

James grabbed Alec’s arse with both of his hands and squeezed roughly, pushing Alec closer against him in his lap. He kissed Alec again, just as aggressively as before. Alec kissed back, again matching James’ aggression, even with his hands now tied behind him. They didn’t stop kissing until they heard a helicopter approach, and James looked up to find Natalya directing the pilot with a gun.

“Or maybe you’re both,” Alec responded with a knowing glint in his eyes.

James didn’t respond with words, instead pulling Alec up to his feet and then toward the helicopter’s open door. James shoved Alec inside, not caring that with his hands tied Alec had no choice but to land face first and on his knees, inside the helicopter. Better than falling to his death below, James decided. Much better, he confirmed as he took in the sight of Alec’s raised arse.

James didn’t try to resist his sudden impulse, and smacked Alec’s arse with his full arm strength behind his palm. Alec grunted from the floor of the helicopter, but didn’t attempt to kick James or retaliate in any way. Alec did roll over onto his side and look up at James with a raised eyebrow and a bit of a smirk on his face.

James smirked back for a second, and then turned toward Natalya. She blinked at him in clear surprise, then scowled, but made no comment. James knew he’d lost her in that moment. Not that he’d considered trying to _keep_ her. She was a fine distraction and a helpful ally, but there was no future for them. He’d just realized he still had feelings for Alec, after all.

And besides, Alec had a better arse. Nice and round and plump. Comparing it to Natalya’s thin form and flat behind, there was absolutely no contest.

\---------------------------

As James had expected, Alec was tortured by MI6. It wasn’t the _worst_ forms of torture out there. Nothing that risked permanently damaging him. But it was still torture. There were some beatings, though it was primarily sleep deprivation, mild starvation, and drugging. Far from pleasant, of course. But nothing that Alec couldn’t survive. Nothing that Alec hadn’t already gotten worse during missions, James knew.

James didn’t participate. Though he did check in on Alec as often as he could, between missions.

Alec gave them nothing. Eventually, they decided Alec had nothing to give.

They moved him to a secure prison and most of MI6 forgot about him. James never did. He continued to visit whenever he could.

At the prison, Alec behaved remarkably well. At first, that got him nothing. The memory of his transgressions was too fresh. But as that faded, as the years passed and the administration changed, James watched as Alec manipulated his way into more privileges. He’d started in solitary confinement, but moved to general population. He was allowed books, writing materials, even potted plants for his cell when he expressed interest in gardening.

James could have put a stop to it, but he found he didn’t want to. Especially when those privileges included conjugal visits, and he found Alec was perfectly amicable to spreading his legs for James. James enjoyed pounding into Alec, and every sign Alec sent him pointed to him enjoying being rammed by James. James made absolutely certain that Alec never spread his legs for anyone else by checking in with the guards every time he visited. With that arrangement firmly in place, James was content to let Alec scheme as much as he wanted. The prison was still far too secure for Alec to escape.

The prison added a therapy program and Alec took full advantage of it. He worked on his issues and eventually even apologized to James. James, to his own surprise, couldn’t tell if Alec was truthfully being reformed or was continuing to manipulate the system. He found he didn’t much care. Their sex sessions got sweeter, some of the edge of aggression wearing off. James was determined to enjoy it as long as it lasted.

A decade went by with James barely noticing. His body noticed, however, and refused to let him continue ignoring the signs of his own age. He failed his physical one too many times for even M to ignore, and James found himself forced to retire.

James had never planned to reach retirement. He had absolutely no idea what to do with himself. But if nothing else, he contented himself with the knowledge he’d have as much time to visit Alec as he wanted. It’d been six months at that point since the last time he’d made it to the prison between missions.

When he got there, Alec was gone. He’d been granted early release, the records showed. He’d been serving several life sentences, with no chance of release, James knew. But no one currently running the prison seemed to remember that. His records were also now suspiciously bare of details of his crimes and history as a Double-O.

James was shocked and impressed. He was also hit by a profound sense of loss. Alec had been freed for two months, but of course he hadn’t contacted James. He’d have disappeared thoroughly enough by then that even James wouldn’t be able to track him, especially on his own. Still, James wasn’t going to correct the records.

Good for Alec for managing it, James thought. Once, years and years ago, James would have cared about the danger Alec might pose to England. But now, James felt old, and tired, and heartbroken that Alec had left him again. He found he couldn’t find a damn to give about England’s security anymore.

He was retired. They’d _made_ him retire. So they could bloody well deal with whatever came their way without him.

\--------------------------

James was watching the ocean, lying back in a beach chair, and sipping some embarrassing drink with a pink umbrella, when Alec found him. James had barely been in Jamaica for a week. He’d been retired less than a month.

He briefly lamented his lack of gun or even a knife. Then he decided he didn’t care. Better to die by Alec’s hand than die a slow death of boredom alone.

Alec looked good. Much better than he had in prison, James noted. His skin had regained some color, his form had filled out with healthy weight gain, but he was still lean and muscular.

Like James, he was wearing swim trunks and nothing else. While James’ trunks were blue, Alec’s were purple. The color made the scars on his face and chest stand out more, James thought. He’d look better in green, to match his eyes. But at least they weren’t black or orange. He’d seemed to love the classic black outfits during his time as Janus, then he’d been forced to wear nothing but orange in prison. James had always removed the hideous orange jumpsuits to reveal Alec’s appealing body underneath soon after their visits started, of course.

James realized how his thoughts were drifting when he saw the grin on Alec’s face widen. James still couldn’t be bothered to mount any sort of defense, or to even stand up, for that matter.

“Hello, Alec. Come to kill me?”

Alec snorted in obvious amusement. “That depends. Are you going to call MI6?”

“Of course not. I would’ve already told them, if I wanted you back in prison. Though I admit to being curious how you got out.”

“I met a new boffin in prison.” Alec shrugged. “Cute little thing. Genius hacker. Would’ve made Boris look like a toddler randomly smashing a keyboard. I made sure he didn’t get raped, kept him safe while he was in prison, and he made sure my records said exactly what I wanted them to. After they let him stew for a few months in prison, MI6 recruited him to Q Division, the idiots. He was a good lad, though. He _might_ not betray them, depending on how they treat him.”

James barely heard anything after Alec called this boffin _cute_.

“Oh, good.” Alec smirked. “I was hoping you’d still be a possessive bastard, even when I’m not safely behind lock and key.”

James was about to think of a retort for that, but got distracted by Alec moving closer. Alec proceeded to spread his legs around the beach chair and sat down in James’ lap. The cheap plastic chair creaked in protest at the additional weight. James’ hands grabbed Alec’s arse before James had decided to move them.

“I didn’t shag him, James. I haven’t been with anyone besides you since that damn antenna platform when you decided to molest me instead of dropping me.”

“It’s not molesting if you enjoyed every damn second,” James snapped back automatically.

“Bloody right,” Alec agreed. “I was hoping you weren’t holding onto any guilt over that.”

James blinked as he absorbed Alec’s words.

“Manipulative bastard,” James hissed, squeezing Alec’s arse.

“ _Your_ manipulative bastard,” Alec clarified, grinding their clothed cocks together enticingly. “Your lover, who has no intention of killing you. Who’s free and clear and available for whatever carnal activities we desire. Unless you’d rather be bored and mope alone on the beach, of course.”

“I’d rather we both be naked and in my hotel room,” James countered. “Thankfully, that’s easily arranged.”

“Not in a mood for sex on the beach?” Alec teased.

“Not when it could involve being arrested for indecent exposure and the authorities taking note of the British bastard that manipulated his way out of prison.” James growled. “You’re right. You’re _mine_. The only thing you’re going to be chained to is _my_ bed, with _my_ locks and _my_ keys, from now on.”

“Wonderful to hear everything’s going perfectly to plan, then.” Alec grinned widely. James couldn’t help grinning just as widely back.

\------------------------

Retirement proved to be much less boring than James had expected. Neither of the former Double-Os ever left each other again.

Alec occasionally suggested taking over the world, or at least robbing a few countries blind. But James just tied him to the bed and fucked him extra hard on those days, and Alec let the idea go.

It might also have something to do with, while he was ramming into him, James muttered how much he loved Alec and couldn’t risk losing him again. Sometimes, Alec even whispered he loved him back.

But it didn’t matter that he didn’t say it every time. James heard the unmistakable truth in the words when Alec _did_ say them.


	4. Not Falling; Revealing

In another universe…

James felt his muscles begin to strain as the minutes ticked by.

Why did it have to be Alec’s _ankle_ he held? Couldn’t it have been his hand, so Alec could help hold his own weight? But no, letting go of his ankle, letting him fall when he was completely at James’ mercy, was more dramatic and convincing.

James refocused on Alec, forcing his mind to not drift. Alec’s eyebrow twitched, but didn’t quite rise. James’ lips twitched, but he didn’t quite smirk. Any big expressions would be captured by the cameras and spoil the illusion. But James clearly saw the complete trust in Alec’s eyes.

Alec knew James would never let him fall. It filled James with pride and fondness to see that trust. He returned it, of course, every time Alec had pretended to try and kill him for show leading up to that point. He knew Alec would never put him in a position where he was actually in danger of dying. But the two of them had gotten very skilled at pretending to nearly kill each other.

Natalya had worked out to be the perfect witness. She was entirely convinced James had just narrowly escaped death countless times, and saved her life, over the past few days. She’d be happy to tell MI6 that when they questioned her later. She was safely tied up and drugged for now, until she was useful to them again.

The most inconvenient part of the arrangement was that James might have to sleep with her again to complete the charade. Not that she was a bad shag. She was perfectly pleasurable in her own way. But now that James had gotten to thoroughly devour Alec again, after so long having to live on scraps from infrequent and hurried hidden meetings with his lover, he didn’t have any desire to taste anyone else.

Alec and James had agreed they’d both be free to sleep with other people when they were apart, whether from desire or because it helped further their cause. They were both possessive of each other, but it just wasn’t practical to promise to abstain from others while they were apart and carrying out their plan. Once they’d succeeded and settled down together, then they could commit to never touching anyone else.

So James had shagged Natalya, and Alec had shagged Xenia, recently. But both of those relationships completely paled to the sexual sparks that flied when James and Alec were alone together. Both of them were completely willing to kill anyone, even other sexual partners, if they got in the way of them being together.

Case in point, Xenia had gotten far too aggressive toward James. Alec was the only one allowed to nearly suffocate James to death. He knew James’ limits and how to safely not cross them. She should have known better than to disobey Alec’s orders. Alec had implicitly told her not to risk killing James.

So Alec had instructed the helicopter pilot to nose dive when Xenia was fighting James, effectively trapping her against a tree and letting the line connecting her to the helicopter squeeze her to death. Alec had told James as much afterward, apologizing for how the woman had overstepped. James had brushed it off, preferring to focus on devouring Alec.

But they both knew James would do the same for Alec. James wouldn’t hesitate to kill Natalya if she endangered Alec’s life and their future together. But he was thankful that didn’t seem likely. She was proving perfectly happy to believe every lie that James fed her.

But the video they were currently making would be the final evidence needed to complete their complex charade. It was amazing tech that Boris had invented.

Once he scanned the two of them in this position with sensors he had placed around the antenna, he could generate their likenesses. He would convincingly simulate video of James letting go of Alec and the former 006 falling to his death. That video would be left at the base for Wade’s Marines to find and send to MI6, once the dust settled, and confirm the story James was going to report to them when he returned.

Boris could have just scanned them inside and then put their computer generated likenesses in this position. But having footage of them actually dangling from the antenna platform and only switching to the likenesses for the fall would make the video more smooth and believable.

There was safety netting set up a ways down the antenna. If James did lose his grip on Alec, it would catch Alec and save his life. James wouldn’t have agreed otherwise. But it was still dangerous. James was grateful they didn’t have to fake the entire fall. He wasn’t at all comfortable putting Alec’s life at risk like that just to make this video.

They didn’t _need_ the video. James had played his part convincingly enough that it wasn’t necessary. But it was nice icing on the cake of deception they were feeding MI6, so to speak.

MI6 didn’t suspect anything. For _nine years_ they’d bought the act that James was a loyal agent and that Alec was dead. They’d never suspected, even for a moment, that it was all a part of Alec and James’ long term retirement and revenge plans.

They’d believe whatever James told them. They’d buy the idea that Alec had tried to steal an ungodly amount of money and destabilize England’s economy beyond repair, and that James had stopped him, killing him in the process.

It was the perfect cover for them stealing a much more modest sum of money from a few very rich, very dirty, people in the government, and slipping back some blackmail material to them to assure their silence. It would still be substantial enough to fund the Janus Syndicate for decades, and see James and Alec control it from afar, happily semi-retired on a beach somewhere.

It’d been Alec’s idea initially, but James had heartily agreed. Alec had confided in James about his past and his desire for revenge, tentatively at first. He hadn’t been confident James would go along with his scheme. But James had already long been tiring of MI6’s bullshit. Hearing about their hand in motivating Alec’s parents’ murder/suicide had been the final straw. James chose Alec over England, and he never regretted it for a moment.

So Alec arranged to fake his own death and build a powerful crime syndicate. While James remained in MI6 and played the long con, carefully keeping their attention away from what Alec was doing for as long as needed. Whenever they could, sometimes every few months, the two of them secretly met up and checked in with each other. And had passionate sex, of course.

It had all gone perfectly to plan. Or nearly.

The timers on the explosives James set when Alec faked his death had malfunctioned. James had agreed with Alec to set them for six minutes, and James had lived up to that agreement. But instead they’d gone off in three, wounding Alec and leaving his face scarred.

James had been furious, but had to reign it in. At first, he’d wanted to rip the head off Q himself, suspecting the old man was getting senile. Then he’d done some digging and found a Q-Branch minion was actually responsible for the tech malfunction. It’d taken everything James had to not shoot the fool on sight, or at least report him for his negligence. But if Alec had survived, as they’d planned, James didn’t want anyone inspecting the events too closely and finding evidence to lead them to Alec. So James had told no one about the timer malfunction.

James had been terrified Alec had been actually killed for months before Alec had recovered enough to secretly contact him. Alec had trusted James, even after that. He believed James when he truthfully told him it’d been an equipment malfunction. James was immensely relieved.

The responsible Q-Branch minion had been killed when other, similar, explosives went off before their set time. Of course that _had_ been James’ doing. But no one in MI6 suspected. James told Alec that as well, of course.

He found Alec’s scars only enhanced his lover’s smirk. And he spent several nights showing Alec just how desirable he still found him. Not that Alec had doubted him. But a practical demonstration was often still appreciated.

James looked at those scars now, as Alec dangled from his grip on his ankle. James rarely noticed them anymore. They’d become just another part of the man he loved.

Nine years was a long time. James was truly sick of having to subside on only a few stolen nights here and there every few months. He wanted Alec all the time, and soon he would have him. Soon it would all be worth it.

They just needed to finish this bloody video first. It was taking too long, by James’ estimation. It wasn’t like he could check his watch in his current position. But if it took much longer James would pull Alec up, regardless.

“Ok, ok, done! Perfect! Incredible! No one will be able to tell the difference!” Boris’ annoying voice came through the comms into James’ ear.

Alec smiled up at James, hearing the same thing in his own ear. Boris would’ve been a dead man if Alec got hurt because of this, James had vowed. Boris knew it, too. But as frustratingly smug as the man was, he did live up to his promises. A healthy fear of both Alec and James helped, of course.

James pulled Alec up. James moved his hands along Alec’s leg, yanking up as he went, until he could grab Alec’s belt and heave him fully back onto the antenna platform. He pulled Alec onto his lap, getting a firm grip on his back and around his waist to keep him in place.

Then James kissed Alec. He found he couldn’t wait a second more to taste his lover’s mouth again. Never mind that they’d gotten to kiss more the past few days than they had in months. James still longed for more. He’d always long for more with Alec.

Alec chuckled and kissed James back, always happy to give as good as he got. James felt Alec’s hands running along his back, and then his strong fingers firmly gripping James’ hair. James happily followed Alec’s hand to tilt his head back and expose his neck.

Alec kissed and licked James exposed skin, though not nearly as hard as James would have liked. James wanted Alec to mark him, claim him as _his_. But he knew it wasn’t time for that. Not yet. Even as pliable as Natalya was, she’d notice if James had love bites on his neck that she hadn’t left.

But the reverse wasn’t true. James got a good fistful of Alec’s hair in hand and pulled to tip back Alec’s head and reveal his own neck. James took his teeth to Alec’s pale skin with enough force to leave marks for days.

While he bit and sucked at Alec’s neck, James moved his hands towards Alec’s lovely arse. James knew he couldn’t squeeze the round cheeks roughly enough to leave matching marks through the clothes, but he tried anyway. Alec chuckled again under James’ ministrations, keeping a strong grip on James’ back to keep them both steady on the platform as they continued to kiss and grope each other.

“I enjoy a free show as much as the next super-nerd,” Boris’ irritating voice came back on the comms. “But we do have an ingenuous plan to see to finale fruition in here, gentlemen. Natalya won’t stay unconscious forever, and the Marines stationed in the forest look like they’re getting antsy.”

James sighed and rolled his eyes, but pulled back a bit from Alec. His lover grinned at him widely, making James grin back.

Soon, James reminded himself. Soon he could see and kiss that face every day.

\---------------------------------------

James yawned awake and stretched a bit in bed, not yet bothering to open his eyes or get up. He felt the morning sun on his skin, and heard the ocean waves crashing outside their window. He felt Alec’s arm draped heavily across his chest, and heard his lover’s soft snoring against his pillow. All was right and well in their world.

They’d been happily semi-retired for five years. No one from MI6 ever tried looking for them.

Then the shrill beeping of their laptop broke the tranquil morning. James groaned at the interruption as Alec stirred with an irritated grunt. The beep could only mean that Boris was calling them via video chat, a technology that he’d helped pioneer huge advances in thanks to being rich and bored.

“Are you going to get that?” Alec grumbled without opening his eyes.

“He’s _your_ minion. You get it,” James countered.

Alec swore in Russian, but heaved up, grabbed the laptop on the nightstand, and brought it into bed with them. He leaned back against their headboard and opened the offending device. Boris’ impatient face stared back at them on the computer screen.

“Finally!! I know it is morning there now! Are you hung over or just slow from excessive fucking?” Boris grumbled.

Alec growled and narrowed his eyes, but James chuckled. Boris had gotten more bold in dealing with them the longer they’d let him live. Sometimes James was tempted to kill him. His over confidence could get them all in trouble someday. But he was too useful to dispose of just yet.

“What do want, Boris?” Alec demanded.

“I have a new recruit candidate!” Boris was literally bouncing with excitement. “He is a computer genius! Well, not as genius as me, of course. But very impressive! Especially for a British man barely twenty years old.”

Alec rolled his eyes, but nodded for Boris to go on. Their organization could use more helpful boffins.

“He hacked into MI6. Very impressive,” Boris went on. “They are trying to recruit him. I say we get him first. Convince him we are better, _good_ -er...I want to make contact. Send him some files, show him the horrible things MI6 has done. Nothing too revealing, of course. Nothing to trace back to us yet. Just a first step. See if he can be persuaded. I have permission?”

Alec caught James’ eyes and the lovers agreed without words. They both nodded toward Boris.

“What’s his name?” James asked.

“I…have not yet discovered it… _yet_!” Boris admitted. “He has hidden it very well! But I will get it! When he responds, he will open himself up to me more! But he calls himself as hacker, ‘Quintessential Queer’, or Q2.”

“Damn, he sounds even more pretentious than you.” Alec snorted. “But fine, make contact. Take it slow. If he chooses MI6, we don’t want him having anything to link to us that he can give them.”

“Of course!” Boris sniffed, obviously insulted at the implication he’d be anything besides careful. Then he signed off.

Alec sighed, closed the laptop, and returned it to the nightstand.

“We may have to kill him soon.” Alec’s words echoed James’ earlier thoughts. “He’s getting more and more blatantly insubordinate.”

“True,” James agreed. “Maybe this Q2 will be a good replacement, if he’s ambitious enough and not overly burdened with morals.”

“Maybe. If not, well, it’s not like we wanted our retirement to be _boring_ , did we, love?” Alec asked.

“We certainly did not.” James smirked. “Though I strongly resent the implication that my fucking you every day could ever get boring.”

“Hmm….I’m not sure. I may require another practical demonstration to decide.” Alec smirked back.

James was very happy to show him, and ram any thoughts of boredom right out of Alec’s head.


	5. Not Falling; Ripping

In another universe…

James was about to drop Alec and let him fall. He had betrayed not only England, but James personally. James had loved Alec, had given him his heart and his body, and Alec had let James believe he was dead for nine years.

Then he’d reappeared as this unrecognizable version of himself. Not physically. James couldn’t care less about the scars marring his appearance. But his entire attitude had changed. Everything from the way he moved to the way he talked was different. James had had to accept that his friend, his lover, was lost to him nine years ago. The man James had loved and trusted was gone, if he’d ever really existed. Alec had become someone James no longer knew.

Alec had tried to kill him. James owed him nothing but the same.

James was ready to let go. James stared down at his former friend and lover, waiting for him to say something. Some quip was likely. Pleading was possible. Negotiating he knew would get him nowhere. But Alec said nothing.

Alec just stared up at him. James noticed for the first time that Alec’s expression looked blank. Not defeated, not resigned, just completely blank. After a few seconds, James realized that Alec wasn’t blinking. He was still breathing, James could tell that much. But something was very off.

Then James saw a glint of something on Alec’s face, on the scarred side, near his temple. James squinted, trying to make out what it was. Light reflected in whatever it was again; something silver and metallic looking.

Alec was still not blinking. His expression was still completely blank. James knew he couldn’t let him fall without solving this, whatever _this_ was, first.

James pulled Alec up. James moved his hands along Alec’s leg, yanking up as he went, until he could grab Alec’s belt and heave him fully back onto the antenna platform. He pulled Alec onto his lap, getting a firm grip on his back and around his waist to keep him in place.

He certainly felt human, James noted. Alec was breathing; James felt the rise and fall of his chest and his exhales against James’ face. James pushed insane thoughts of robot duplicates out of his head.

Unable to resist the impulse, James grabbed Alec’s arse and squeezed, finding it felt the same under his fingers as it always had; firm and supple flesh. But Alec gave no reaction at all to James groping him. Alec had always liked James’ appreciation for his arse. He’d responded with smug looks and biting kisses every time James got his hands on his behind, before.

Now, Alec just stared, unblinking and blank, at James. Showing no sign he felt anything.

James frowned deeply. He twisted his head, trying to get a closer look at the metallic thing on Alec’s temple while keeping them both safely seated on the platform. It looked like… _no_ ….it couldn’t be.

James poked at it, testing and watching to see if Alec would react. He didn’t. James prodded it until he got the tip of a fingernail under in, then he grabbed the thing, yanked and ripped. It came loose from Alec’s head, with a little spurt of blood following it.

James stared at it, holding it carefully between his fingers. It was no bigger than the pad of his thumb. But it was unmistakably a computer chip.

Alec was blinking, James realized. He hurried to shove the chip in his pocket, and then readjusted his grip on Alec. Alec was sucking in hard gasps of breath and his eyes were looking around wildly. James watched as he took in the antenna platform they were sitting on, the cloud filled sky around them, and then finally rested on James.

“James?” Alec asked; his voice hesitant and uncertain. “Where are we? What happened? Did we get the weapons information? Did you set the bombs to go off? Was I…was I _shot_?!”

James wouldn’t have believed it if he didn’t know Alec so well. He would have thought it was a trick. But _this_ was _his_ Alec! James’ heart raced as his took in Alec’s expression and mannerisms.

This wasn’t the man James had met at Statue Park. This wasn’t Janus with his cold, calculating, condemning eyes. This wasn’t the man that had mocked and belittled James. This wasn’t the person that James had forced himself to accept was his beloved friend turned willingly toward evil and revenge. _This_ wasn’t that person at all.

This was _James’_ Alec. This man was mentioning events that had taken place nine years ago as if they’d just happened. These eyes were confused, lost, but filled with fondness and trust when he looked at James. He was looking at James with questions, but with complete respect and faith. He was just as James remembered him.

 _This_ was James’ Alec come back from the dead.

James didn’t know how or why. But he knew with a soul deep certainly that this was his lover. This was the man he’d trusted more than anyone else in his life. This was _his_ Alec returned to him, by some miracle.

Suddenly nothing mattered more than kissing the man in his lap. So James kissed Alec. He put all the love and longing he’d felt for nine years behind those kisses.

Alec kissed back and it was exactly as James had remembered. James had been dreaming of these kisses for nine years. He thought he would never get this again, and now it was right there in his lap.

But all too soon Alec was pulling back and putting a hand to his own head. A slow trickle of blood was still dripping from where James had pulled the chip out.

“Am I bleeding? Was I shot _in the head_? James…James, what the bloody hell is going on?!”

“I don’t know, love. I don’t know,” James admitted. “But we’ll work it out. You’re here. You’re here with me, and together we’ll work it out, whatever it is.”

\---------------------------------

Natalya helped. First, by rescuing them both from the antenna platform with the commandeered helicopter. And then by assisting at MI6 Medical when doctors and Q-Branch scientists were both baffled by what they found had been in Alec’s head.

Natalya was an amazing woman, James reflected absently. She’d taken his abrupt push of their relationship from sexually intimate to friends only without any resentment. She’d believed him when James had told her that this Alec was somehow not the same as the one that’d tried to kill them both. She’d accepted that James was in love with Alec with understanding and support.

She’d helped MI6 confirm that Alec had been under mind control via a computer chip implanted in his brain. It had somehow come lose when fighting James. It had possibly been coming lose for awhile, accounting how James had been able to rip it out the rest of the way and free Alec’s mind.

Natalya had heard rumors of the technology being developed while working for the Russian government, but she hadn’t believed it was truly possible. She directed MI6 toward where to look for more information. Boris had apparently been a part of the program and bragged about it, but Boris was dead; killed by coolant during the chaos in Cuba.

So MI6 sent agents after others to gather more intel. They sent a Double-O to handle the more dangerous leads, but not James. They didn’t offer and he didn’t ask.

As much as he wanted to kill those responsible for doing this to Alec, he trusted 008 to get the job done. And James wasn’t willing to go anywhere far from Alec’s side anytime soon. Maybe not ever.

008 came back with crates worth of tech, as well as video of his interrogation of the man they’d learned had been controlling Alec for nine years. Admiral Kuznetsov had been General Ourumov’s superior and responsible for the brain chip program. He was dead now, thanks to 008. James would have relished the honor of killing the bastard himself, but he was content to watch 008 torture the Admiral until he’d gotten all the information from him that he could.

Thanks to that information, James now had a choice to make for Alec.

James was Alec’s designated next of kin for all medical decisions. James and Alec had both signed the paperwork listing each responsible for the other soon after they joined MI6 together. Both orphans, they had no one else, and they trusted each other completely after their time together in the Navy.

If old M had guessed that their relationship went far beyond close friends, he’d never said. Enough MI6 personnel knew, but none were foolish enough to take issue with how such deadly agents behaved. New M could clearly tell, from the way she looked at James, but she made no comment either. England didn’t allow same sex marriages. But Alec and James had done the closest thing they legally could by becoming each other’s next of kin.

Alec had been kept sedated since returning to MI6. Until they could get more information on what had been done to him it had seemed safest. So James had to make the decision regarding Alec’s medical care. 

The computer chip that James had ripped out of Alec’s head had been the main component of what was controlling Alec. It’d been injected into his head via a gun, with what James had watched and assumed to be a kill shot nine years ago. But that wasn’t all there was to it.

Wires had been inserted into Alec’s brain via the side of his face. Not caused by the explosion, as James had been led to believe, the raised scars on Alec’s cheek actually hid wiring that had been components instrumental in controlling him.

Without the chip, the wiring was useless to control Alec. It could be left in and Alec should be able to live mostly normally. But it was still capable of conducting electricity from the air and causing him pain. There was a chance this electric current could cause additional memory lose over time.

The doctors could operate to remove the wiring. They felt fairly confident they could safely succeed with the help of the tech 008 had recovered. Alec should make a full recovery and return to normal with no further ill effects. But it was brain surgery, and using tech no one there had practical experience with, so it inherently held risks.

They didn’t want to put needless stress on Alec’s body by waking him and then putting him back under for surgery. So it was James’ choice to make. Remove the wires and risk the operation, or leave them and risk the long term effects.

It wasn’t that difficult a choice to make. James couldn’t stand the thought of the wires remaining in Alec, and he knew Alec would hate having them there. So he told the doctors to schedule the operation.

\---------------------------

James watched Alec blink open his eyes. He watched his lover look around, take in the hospital room he was lying in, and come to settle on James sitting nearby. Relief, trust, warmth, and yes, _love_ filled those eyes at the sight of James. James’s heart raced to see it, and he felt a relieved smile form on his face in response. Alec smiled back.

Bandages covered the right side of Alec’s face, where the wires had been embedded. His skin would heal in time, though there would be additional scaring. The doctors told James that instead of it being the raised vein-like lines that had hidden the wires; it would likely resemble many thin, flat, pale lines.

James didn’t mind. Alec would always be gorgeous to him. And he doubted the affect on his appearance would much concern Alec either, once he understood what had happened.

Looking at him now, Alec looked exhausted, dazed, but like _himself;_ like James’ Alec. James couldn’t express how much that meant to him.

They had learned that because of the computer chip controlling his brain, Alec would have no memory of the last nine years since it had been inserted. The chip had put the parts of Alec’s brain that were _Alec_ to sleep.

Admiral Kuznetsov had used the chip and the wires to move Alec like a puppet via a computer connection. When the admiral had realized James was winning during their fight on the antenna platform, he’d disconnected from Alec’s controls and ran for it.

Alec was left with no one holding his strings any longer, but unable to wake up and control himself; just waiting for additional orders that never came. That was why Alec had seemed like a blank slate briefly until James had ripped the computer chip from his head.

James didn’t want to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t noticed Alec’s blankness. If he hadn’t noticed the glint of the chip. James pushed those possibilities from his mind. They hadn’t happened and so weren’t worth focusing on.

What _was_ worth focusing on was Alec there in front of him, and the recovery ahead of him. James was thankful that Alec hadn’t been conscious during it all. Being manipulated like that and not able to do anything to stop it would drive anyone insane.

However, there was a good chance Alec would regain memories from the past nine years sporadically. It was going to be traumatic and confusing for him. Alec would never be a Double-O again. The possible psychological damage from the ordeal was too great. But James was determined to be by his side and help him through the entire thing.

James had turned in his resignation before Alec’s surgery. M had understood. She’d handled the paperwork to make sure both James and Alec got their full retirement packages. It would be sufficient to live on comfortably enough until the two of them decided what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives.

It wouldn’t be the lives they’d planned. But they’d be _alive_ , and _together_. For James, that was enough. It would take Alec awhile to absorb and recover from everything he’d been through. He might not accept it at first. But in time, James thought, it would be enough for Alec, too.

“James? Did we finish the mission? Did I…” Alec asked, breaking James from his thoughts.

“Yes, we did.” James answered him; heart clenching in love and pride that that was the first thing Alec asked about.

Alec blinked more, still clearly fuzzy and confused. He touched the side of his face and felt the bandage there.

“Did I…” Alec hesitated, clearly trying to remember. “Did I get shot in the head?”

“Yes, you did. But it’s alright now, love. You’re going to be alright. _We’re_ going to be alright.”

“Are you…are you going out again soon?” Alec asked with more hesitation. “Are they sending you on another mission soon?”

“No, love. I’m here. I’m staying right here with you. We’re going to work through this together.”

Alec sighed, then smiled, at those words from James. His body relaxed and he lay back more comfortably in the hospital bed. James reached over and took Alec’s hand in his. Alec intertwined their fingers together and held on firmly.

“I feel like…I feel like I’ve been missing you. Like I haven’t seen you in years.” Alec frowned in confusion as he stared intently at James. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does, actually,” James admitted. “And I’m going to explain everything to you, I promise. But first, I just…You need to give yourself time to heal. And I just…I just want to hold you, to kiss you.”

“Well, it’s not like Medical’s never caught us kissing on their beds before,” Alec chuckled with some of his old confidence.

James grinned widely and leaned closer.

When a nurse looked in on them later, it would be rather obvious they’d been doing more than just kissing. But if anyone minded, no one said a word.


	6. Falling; Forgiving; Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING** with **SPOILER** : _This chapter includes **major character death** and a scene in the afterlife._ I haven’t tagged this because chapters 1-5 each stand on their own and _do not_ include major character death. Chapter 6 is still something of a happy ending, in its own way, since James and Alec meet in the afterlife and are happy together there. But if you’re uncomfortable reading that, feel free to skip this chapter entirely. It doesn’t affect the other chapters; they each stand on their own. 
> 
> **Chapter 7 is the art that inspired this entire fic (and involves happy hot kissing), so make sure to check that out even if you skip this chapter!**

In this universe…

“For England, James?”

“No, for me.”

James let go and watched Alec fall.

James hadn’t hesitated. Alec was a traitor. Alec deserved to die.

James was a killer. It was his job and he was very good at it.

Any hesitation had been trained out of him a long time ago, just like it had been for Alec. Alec hadn’t expected mercy. Alec hadn’t begged for another chance. Alec had known James was going to kill him, just as he would have killed James if he’d ended up on top at the end of their fight.

James let go of Alec and watched him fall.

James let go of his partner, his best friend, his lover, the man he’d trusted most in the world. He let go and let him fall to his death.

James didn’t hesitate. James did his job. Not for England, but for himself. James didn’t regret.

All that was undeniably true.

But as James watched Alec’s body break as it hit the ground, something inside James broke, as well. Something that would never be fixed, for all the days James would live after that. Alec would never live another day, thanks to James.

James smiled as Natalya directed the helicopter and James got on board. He wondered if she could tell that behind the smile everything inside James had turned to ice. If she could, she gave no sign of it.

James fucked her later, just hoping to feel some warmth again. He didn’t.

He never did, no matter how many people he had sex with.

Oh, he put on a good show. He was a perfect charming gentleman. He smiled and seduced and pleasured people. But he himself felt barely a thing.

Even buried to the hilt inside their warmth, not one of them could ever touch the ice inside James. None of them ever made James feel warm inside again.

The only person that could was dead, by James’ own hands.

\---------------------------

James lay on his back in the grass and looked up at the clouds. It was pleasant weather, not long after sunrise, and the sky was light blue. The clouds were puffy and white, with just a hint of pale gold here and there remaining from the sunrise. It was a perfect morning for a breakfast picnic out in the garden.

It was a less perfect day to die, in James’ opinion. If he was going to bleed out, on his back, in the grass, it seemed like it ought to at least be with a gloomy sky to look at. Some storm clouds maybe, a crack of lightning, some cool rain on his face. That would have been appropriate.

But instead James got a completely pleasant morning to die in the dirt, in a field far from home.

He supposed it suited him better than dying in his bed from old age. He never expected to retire. But he expected to go out in a blaze of glory. He’d expected to be a hero, as he often was. He’d expected to save the world one more time, first. He’d expected to kill the megalomaniac threatening the world, first. Or be killed by him.

But James had been gunned down by nameless minions. He’d taken a full round of bullets from an automatic to his chest. There’d be no saving him, even if med evac was close. Which they weren’t. Even if his comms still worked, which they didn’t, any help was far away.

They hadn’t even bothered to take him to show to their leader, proud of their kill. He doubted they’d even known who he was. They’d just left him where he fell.

Now he was bleeding out in this field, in the middle of nowhere, and staring up at the cloudy sky. He’d never expected it to take this long to die.

But no matter. He’d be dead soon. It didn’t hurt anymore. His insides felt like ice. But that was nothing new. They had felt that way for eleven years now. He’d stopped letting himself remember why.

It didn’t matter anymore. He’d be dead soon.

Dead and buried. Except not. No one would come to retrieve his body. He’d likely be left to rot here in this field until nothing was left of him besides his bones. MI6 would hold a memorial without the body. It was very common for dead Double-Os.

_…a small memorial service, with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance._

Someone had said that about James once. He couldn’t quite remember who. But they’d clearly known him well. They were right, he thought.

James felt like he should close his eyes, but he couldn’t stop looking at the clouds.

\---------------------------------

James was still looking up at the clouds when he slowly realized it didn’t feel like he was lying on dirt and grass anymore. Whatever was under him was harder, unyielding.

He was trying to gather the strength to turn his head and look, when a shadow appeared, falling over his face and blocking out the view of the clouds. James realized a second later that the shadow was in the shape of a man.

A man who moved to stand over James and look down at him. A man with a very familiar face; blonde hair, striking green eyes, and scars marring one side.

“Hello, James.”

“Alec…” James gasped, and then inhaled sharply. “You’re dead.”

“So are you.”

Alec sounded exactly the same as the last time James had heard him speak. Just before James let him go. Alec was wearing the same black clothes from that day, too.

All the memories James had been repressing came flooding back to him. His heart ached with the amount of emotions he suddenly felt.

James sat up abruptly. He looked down at himself to find the bullet ridden designer suit he’d been wearing gone. He was now wearing the same clothes he’d had on when he’d let Alec go, too. Combat attire in various greens and browns appropriate for camouflage in a forest.

James looked around. They were on the damned antenna platform. Clouds surrounded them. A dangerous, deadly, drop was just a step away.

Alec was standing nearby, just watching James. Unlike the last time James had seen Alec’s face, eleven years ago, his expression held no fear, no anger, no accusation. He looked at James with a calm, _fond_ expression.

Alec hadn’t looked at James like that since…since…

A spark lit inside James that he hadn’t felt in 18 years, since before Alec had faked his death and turned against James.

Alec hadn’t looked at James like that since the last time they’d made love.

Suddenly James sprung up to his knees, grabbed Alec and pulled him down back down with him, until Alec was sitting in his lap and James was holding him tightly. James kissed Alec then.

James kissed Alec with complete abandon. There was no point in holding back. No point in hiding or deny his feelings.

Either they were both dead and this was some sort of afterlife, or James was having a last pre-death deluded dream. Either way, all that suddenly mattered was showing Alec how he felt, with his lips.

Alec kissed back just as passionately. His mouth felt so warm, his tongue inside James’ mouth seemed to light a fire that spread deep inside James’ body. _Warmth._ It was back. _Finally._ James felt warm inside again. The last layer of ice around his heart melted as he kissed Alec.

James hands began to wander. He gripped Alec’s arse to find that even in the afterlife it was as round and plump as ever. Alec laughed and pulled back, but he continued to hold James.

“We forgive each other then?” Alec asked; the briefest hesitation and fear entering his voice.

“Yes. Of course,” James answered, and meant it completely.

Alec grinned widely, and as he did so the scars disappeared from his face, falling off like a soft rain.

James blinked at him in surprise, but he didn’t bother to question it. He ran his fingers along Alec’s cheeks reverently, both sides of his face now smooth and soft.

James kissed Alec again. He lost himself in his lover’s mouth. Was Alec his lover again? James felt like he was with a sudden certainty. They might have kissed for minutes. Or they might have kissed for decades. Regardless, every second of it felt full of love and promise.

James looked down, sometime later, to find they were both naked. Their clothes had disappeared without James even noticing. James decided to just accept it.

They were still sitting on that antenna platform, but that felt somehow appropriate. James had let go of Alec here before. Now, he could make a different choice.

James made love to Alec on that antenna platform, surrounded by a backdrop of clouds.

Practical concerns like lube seemed a lifetime away, just like where their clothes had went. Alec made no mention of them and seemed to not need anything, so James dismissed any thoughts of anything besides Alec.

James rammed Alec with all of his strength as Alec’s delighted laughs turned into pleasure filled moans. Surrounded by Alec’s heat, James felt his entire body warm in a way it hadn’t in over a decade.

One of Alec’s legs shifted to hang off the platform and James had a moment of pure terror. He stopped thrusting to wrap himself around Alec, to cling to him for dear life. He couldn’t let Alec fall again! He _couldn’t_!

“James….James…it’s alright, love. I can’t fall again. There’s no life left to cling to, for us, anymore. Nothing can hurt us here. We’re safe.” Alec’s soothing voice spoke calmly, as Alec’s fingers ran soothing through James’ hair.

James blinked as the antenna platform under them disappeared. They floated in the clouds for a few seconds. Then they were suddenly in an unfamiliar but comfortable looking room, on a bed, lying on soft crisp white sheets.

“Are you…are _you_ doing this?” James asked.

“Yes,” Alec answered. “You’ll be able to do it, too, with some training and practice.”

James wanted to ask more questions, but his desire to finish thrusting up into Alec’s delicious heat won out instead.

It won out more than once, too. James and Alec made love over and over, sharing orgasm after orgasm, regain time no longer seeming to matter, until they were both finally sated. For the moment.

“I’m glad you’re here,” James admitted as they lay together on the sheets that were somehow still clean and dry, despite how many times they’d spilled their seed on them.

“I’m glad you _wanted_ me here,” Alec replied.

They kissed again a few times before Alec explained further.

“Everyone gets a guide when they get here. Someone willing and someone they want. It has to be both. And of course someone that’s available. Anyone still living at the time of your death won’t work.

“I got my mother,” Alec continued. “She stayed with me until I was ready to see my father, too. To make peace with him. You’ll see your parents again, too, when you’re ready. They would have happily guided you. But I’m glad you chose me.”

It hadn’t been a conscious choice. But James didn’t regret it in the slightest. He missed his parents, but not like he’d missed Alec.

“I look forward to seeing them, but,” James admitted, “I’m in no hurry. I’m in no hurry to really understand this place, either. I just want…I just want _you_ right now. Is that ok?”

“More than ok, love. It’s perfect. There’s no rush. We have all the time in eternity to spend together now,” Alec assured him.

James took Alec into his arms, kissing him again. He felt warm inside, content and at peace, but also excited. There were possibilities to explore here, when he was ready. But regardless, he intended to never let Alec go far from his side again. For all eternity.


	7. Artwork; Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the artwork by [Alien](https://twitter.com/Dramaticatart) that inspired this fic. The first is the complete final image, followed by her preliminary art for the commission. 
> 
> There should be two images below. If they don't work, please let me know so I can fix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to Alien for the amazing art that inspired this fic! Check out more of her work at [her twitter](https://twitter.com/Dramaticatart)
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone reading and kudos-ing! I welcome comments, as well! I know this pairing (and this Bond) isn’t as popular as others in the fandom atm. But they were my introduction to Bond, and will always hold a very special place in my heart. So I appreciate anyone else that shares that love, or gave this ship a try here.


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